How to Stop Settling! Settling Pt. 2

How to Stop Settling! Settling Pt. 2

For part 1 click hereI Need a Man in My Life! Settling Pt. 1

Settling cost!! And to me the price was not worth it. It cost me my self worth, my time, my respect, my money, many broken hearts, my virginity, my blessings, my sanity, my joy, my peace and most importantly my relationship with the true and living God. For years I settled. If it wasn’t in one area it was in another. But I came to the conclusion that I can’t afford to settle anymore and ladies I believe you cant either.

There came a time where I said enough is enough. I got tired. See ladies the problem today is a lot of us are not tired yet. But when will we start putting our soul first? Our dignity and self respect? Is it worth giving up just to have a man to sleep with or hold us at night, or to go on a date, have some one to text us or tell us good morning every day? Is that man worth your spot in heaven? Eternity with God? Because believe it or not some of the things we are settling for is going to get us nothing but a one way ticket to hell. Is he worth that? umm NO. There was too much hell in my life and  I began to desire the abundant life that God promises to me and these are the steps I took to get there.

Steps to Freedom

1.  Acknowledge  

The first step is to acknowledge where you are. Be honest with yourself. You will never move toward the solution if you’re not acknowledging the problem. To me settling is accepting the bare minimum, accepting less than what you know you deserve. God came to give us life abundantly and if you are with a guy that is hindering you from His blessings, causing you to sin, then more then likely you are settling.

For example, I had to accept the fact that every time I had sex or did anything sexually and not married, I was settling. I was giving up my body for free and not making him appreciate me and recognize my true value. I was saying I’m not worth waiting for, not worth respecting, and I was saying to God ” a relationship with you is not that important to me and I really don’t want to be blessed or see heaven”. That’s really what we are saying when we sin against Him. His word says flee fornication and anytime we are disobedient we forfeit our blessings and invite Gods wrath into our lives.  


2.  Isolation

Don’t be afraid of this word. Isolation is one of the best things God did for me. In order to do better you can’t continue to surround yourself with the person that got you in this mess in the first place. In order for God to elevate you He MUST isolate you from the mess. I had to step back from my relationship and actually allow God to work on me and him. When you spend so much time with that person every other voice becomes muffled, like Gods voice. Think about it, if you was hearing Gods voice then you wouldn’t be in the situation you’re in now. Step back so you can hear from God to make the best decisionsSo if you guys are living together and not married, then this is a must!

I have heard people say this, “Well I don’t have anywhere else to live”. This goes back to being honest with self and your situation. Is it really that you don’t want to go back and live with your mom because she argues too much?  Is it simply the fact that you are choosing to do what you want to do and not giving Gods word a second thought? Whatever the situation is God did not call any one to live in sin, so know that’s not your only option. By choosing to live this way your blessings are hindered and yes you are settling for less. Do you know when we are out of His will we are openly inviting hell into our lives? We openly take Gods covering off of us and wonder why things are not going right, why you both argue so much or why you cant keep a steady job etc.

God will not bless what He’s not pleased with. Did you know out his will we hinder our prayers?  At least back at home you will no longer be in temptation to have sex and sin, you can save more money instead of creating debt wit someone who is not your husband and has no obligation to stay with you, and you can finally receive every blessing that God really wants to give you. Living together trying to test the waters is saying

“Oh God, yea you are the ruler, God of all things but let me do this own my on. I trust you with everything else but my love life? My heart? Naw God I got it. Oh but wait Lord I will need you when we decide to get married on our own timing. Just sit tight, I will  put you in my back pocket”

You cant even be faithful and obedient now, but expect God to bless your marriage? Something He calls sacred and is dear to His heart. Ladies shacking up shows no commitment to God and obviously no commitment to you. Think about it. Commitment is always sealed with vows.

I always spend every summer out of town with my sister and her husband, but this past summer was different. I knew that this was God taking me out of my situation that wasn’t right and was keeping me bound. He surrounded me with awesome people that helped me acknowledge where I was, why I was settling and how to get outI know we all cant leave the state but any exit that God is giving you take it and surround yourself with positive people who wants you to do better.

3.  Mental Conditioning 

I would say this is the most important and its a DAILY thing. If you don’t reprogram your mind I promise you will end up in the same mess over and over again, an emotional roller coaster. When we settle that means we are not aware of our self worth or how valuable we are. It also shows we don’t know Gods power and who He is in our lives. Settling is telling God He cant do any better and that He doesn’t have the power to actually give us the best. It puts limits on His power.

This is where you need to start meditating on scriptures. Read them until they take root in your heart. So when the enemy tries to lie to you and tell you that what he has for you is good, it will no longer work. The enemy has power over you as long as you don’t know that you have power over him. When you speak Gods word He will began to speak it to you and it will become you. For example, I KNOW my body is a temple so I will no longer defile it. I will get you started but you must began to read His word daily


1 Peter 2:9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

1Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. ”

Ephesians 3:20  “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

4) Put It Into Action 

Knowing is half the battle but doing is the rest. Now its time to stop the cycle. When you begin to prepare your mind you begin to know better and when you know better you do better. I will be the first to say that this is the most challenging step. I’m sure you ladies can definitely agree!! It took a lot of reading, praying, confession, crying and more crying, especially because soul ties were involved. So yes all this did not happen over night. So be prepared to fight! You’re going to have to fight daily.

The enemy is going to come full force to try to keep you bound. He does not want you to be set free and receive God in His entirety. But if you believe freedom is yours then guess what? It is! On this journey to freedom I have fallen a lot but never once did I stay down, because that’s what the enemy wanted me to do. So when you fall get up and know that God is rooting for you. Have enough faith in God that He will see you through because you cant please Him without faith. You can defeat the devil by constantly staying at Gods feet, and praying and reading is a must. You’re going to need His power, the Holy Spirit, to defeat anything so ask Him to fill you daily and actually yield yourself to Him.

Want to find out How I put it into action?  Click here How to Stop Settling. Settling Pt. 2 (Continued) 
Ladies what does it mean to be unequally yoked? For part 3 click here “Unequally Yoked” Settling Pt.3

Britany Jones

Brittany Jones is an inspirational writer and speaker for young women. Her passion is to empower young women to live their best life by knowing their self-worth and the power of sexual Integrity.

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