I Need a Man in My Life! Settling Pt. 1
I Need a Man in My Life! Settling Pt. 1
“I need a man in my life, a REAL man”.
Ever find yourself saying it? Thinking it? Me too, until I thought deep about what I was missing and what I really desired. I realized I wasn’t desiring a man that can kiss me and hold me. I desired one that would mold, nourish, and esteem me, a father!
Ladies this is where it all begins, the first man that will ever impact our lives is our father. When a child is born into this world it is designed to be a wife and husband together to raise that child. A mother is there to teach you how to be a woman and a father to show you how to be treated as a woman. But what happens when that family unit is broken? When daddy is not there like its designed and mommy is left to put the broken pieces together?
You’re left with a deep void longing to be filled. You’re left to figure out how a young lady should be treated. You’re left longing for big hugs and a thousand kisses on the forehead but no one there to give them to you. You’re left wanting to hear things like “your my beautiful princess, daddy loves you”, but no one there to tell you. No one to open doors for you or take you out on daddy daughter dates and no one there to mend your broken heart.
I was born May 18, 1990 into a union that was dysfunctional from the jump. It was an on again, off again relationship and the police was called often. For half of my growing up I lived in a two parent household with a few of my other siblings. It was a big, not so happy, family for a few years until my mother and I moved out for another a few years, only to move back in for a couple more years and out again for good. My father was there physically but that’s all I can say. He was absent emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I grew up seeing the domestic violence, hearing the verbal abuse and a faithful man was unheard of in my household. When you don’t have that father/daughter relationship and a good example of what a man should be it can leave you broken and hurt, searching for a love that’s seems impossible to obtain. So what happens? You end up settling, accepting the bare minimal.
As a young girl I was lost and empty on the inside and didn’t even know it. It showed when I started looking to boys for love. When I hopped in the bed with him any chance I got. When I kept having sex with him out of fear that he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. When I was cool with just being his secret behind closed doors, girlfriend #2. When I was willing to abort a child I thought was forming in me. When I thought it was ok to have one dude come over in the morning and the next one in the afternoon. When I felt that every guy that showed interest in me owed me the love I lacked. When I let a man use me for a night only to leave my soul shattered to pieces and crying for days.
Even in the past couple of years, two and a half to be exact, I picked up a man to go everywhere because he had no car. If we went on a date I picked him up. If we went to the store I picked him up, and it shouldn’t be that way. When we give up our bodies for free why should he put a ring on it? If we pick him up or pay for everything why should he want to get a job and grind to get his own car, his own place? You often find out that when things are backwards like that there is arguing and confusion in your relationship because nothing is in order. I lived it, and let me tell you its better to be alone and wait on God then to do things in your own will. Ladies we sell ourselves short and settle for these kind of things because we don’t know our worth and TRUE value.
- We have sex with him allowing him to have our precious bodies and soul when its only meant for our husbands.
- We allow him to degrade us and talk to us any kind of way, calling us B’s thinking its a word of love. “Oh I’m his main B his bad B”
- We shack up with him, giving things only wives should. We cook and clean, waking up with him like everything is cool when its really displeasing God, playing wife but never demanding to be one.
- We give him money and let him take our car, allowing him to make us feel as if we have to take care of him. I don’t know about you but I believe in making a man work for his.
- We allow him to put his hands on us over and over again and then make excuses for him.
- We allow him to cheat on us and lie to us.
- And it seems like baby daddy’s can do anything they want!! Just because he is your baby’s father does not mean you have to stay with Him. It was never Gods will for you both to have sex but in the midst he blessed you anyway. If he is not there for you or your child don’t settle with him in fear that you wont have a family unit, that your kids wont have a father. Be still and know that HE IS GOD. He will give you a kingdom man and father to take his rightful position in your life but you must be patient and obedient.
For the longest I was searching for that fatherly love, doing things I never thought I would do and allowing things to happen I never thought I would allow. It wasn’t until God grabbed me and told me enough is enough!! That’s when I began to look to my Heavenly father and man is He good to me! He showed me that the love I lacked here on earth could be fulfilled by His power alone. He showed me my true value and that I was more than what I subjected myself to. He told me my body is His temple and was to precious to give away ( 1 Cor 6:19-20). He told me I was his beautiful jewel and that I was worth the wait. And He is saying the same to you!!
Do you know that you are wonderfully and fearfully made? (Psalms 139:14) You are a princess, the apple of His eye. You are royalty and precious in Gods sight. (1 Peter 2:9) You are called to be a strong woman of God, full of the Holy Spirit. I heard it put this way: Do you ever see Apple putting their merchandise on sale? No, because they know the quality they have and how valuable their product is and people are going to buy it at whatever price they set. Now if a company can understand this, why cant us women, who are Gods own special handiwork, understand the value we have. You wouldn’t take a diamond ring and fling it through the mud would you?
Girl, you so bad that God sent His son to die for you just so you can be close to Him for eternity. Your father is the king of this earth and He is preparing one of his princes specifically for you why settle for less than royalty? Despite what this world says, you don’t have to “put it on him” to make him want to marry you. When God’s spirit is in you the only thing you will have to do is walk into the room, yes that’s how powerful Gods anointing is.Truly ask yourself , do you really know who you are? And be brutally honest with self. If a stranger could come into your house or your relationship, would they be able to see how valuable you are? Life is real and situations are real but acknowledge the wrong and let God step in. I had to do the same thing so don’t ever feel alone. It was hard but God has ALL power to take your sin away and change your situation, if you let Him. Know that God wants to give you the absolute best and it hurts Him to see his daughters settle for anything less. Hold on to His words when He says this:
Ephesians 3:20“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”Psalms 37:5-6 “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.”
Want more? For part 2 of this Settling series click here How to Stop Settling! Settling Pt. 2
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