“I need a man in my life, a REAL man”.
Ever find yourself saying it? Thinking it? Me too, until I thought deep about what I was missing and what I really desired. I realized I wasn’t desiring a man that can kiss me and hold me. I desired one that would mold, nourish, and esteem me, a father!
Ladies this is where it all begins, the first man that will ever impact our lives is our father. When a child is born into this world it is designed to be a wife and husband together to raise that child. A mother is there to teach you how to be a woman and a father to show you how to be treated as a woman. But what happens when that family unit is broken? When daddy is not there like its designed and mommy is left to put the broken pieces together?
You’re left with a deep void longing to be filled. You’re left to figure out how a young lady should be treated. You’re left longing for big hugs and a thousand kisses on the forehead but no one there to give them to you. You’re left wanting to hear things like “your my beautiful princess, daddy loves you”, but no one there to tell you. No one to open doors for you or take you out on daddy daughter dates and no one there to mend your broken heart.
I was born May 18, 1990 into a union that was dysfunctional from the jump. It was an on again, off again relationship and the police was called often. For half of my growing up I lived in a two parent household with a few of my other siblings. It was a big, not so happy, family for a few years until my mother and I moved out for another a few years, only to move back in for a couple more years and out again for good. My father was there physically but that’s all I can say. He was absent emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I grew up seeing the domestic violence, hearing the verbal abuse and a faithful man was unheard of in my household. When you don’t have that father/daughter relationship and a good example of what a man should be it can leave you broken and hurt, searching for a love that’s seems impossible to obtain. So what happens? You end up settling, accepting the bare minimal.
As a young girl I was lost and empty on the inside and didn’t even know it. It showed when I started looking to boys for love. When I hopped in the bed with him any chance I got. When I kept having sex with him out of fear that he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. When I was cool with just being his secret behind closed doors, girlfriend #2. When I was willing to abort a child I thought was forming in me. When I thought it was ok to have one dude come over in the morning and the next one in the afternoon. When I felt that every guy that showed interest in me owed me the love I lacked. When I let a man use me for a night only to leave my soul shattered to pieces and crying for days.
Even in the past couple of years, two and a half to be exact, I picked up a man to go everywhere because he had no car. If we went on a date I picked him up. If we went to the store I picked him up, and it shouldn’t be that way. When we give up our bodies for free why should he put a ring on it? If we pick him up or pay for everything why should he want to get a job and grind to get his own car, his own place? You often find out that when things are backwards like that there is arguing and confusion in your relationship because nothing is in order. I lived it, and let me tell you its better to be alone and wait on God then to do things in your own will. Ladies we sell ourselves short and settle for these kind of things because we don’t know our worth and TRUE value.
- We have sex with him allowing him to have our precious bodies and soul when its only meant for our husbands.
- We allow him to degrade us and talk to us any kind of way, calling us B’s thinking its a word of love. “Oh I’m his main B his bad B”
- We shack up with him, giving things only wives should. We cook and clean, waking up