Life After Having Sex! From a Single’s Point of View
Life After Having Sex! From a Single’s Point of View
Young ladies have given their virginity away for many reasons. Maybe they thought that’s what love was, it was the popular thing to do or that’s what makes you a woman. Whatever the reason may be, there is life afterwards.
To think that things will be the same can’t be more misleading. I have said boldly before that one of the worst things that we can possibly do to self is have sex outside of marriage. I know this now, way after the fact, but I could not see it at that moment. If I would have known what was ahead of me for the years to come I honestly believe I would have thought twice and opted out before making such a drastic decision like that.
Despite what the movies show, sex outside marriage does not end in happiness. It does not lead you into this magical fairy tale where you live with your prince charming happily ever after. There are consequences to every action whether we know of them or not. When God created sex, he also created benefits and blessing for when its done the right way but there is also things that we endure from not doing it the right way.
Although Jesus has saved me and has forgiven me of my sins, there is a law that still remains:
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” – Galatians 6:7
And this law is true for every one. Its like the law of gravity, you cant get around it.
The Aftermath
1. Becoming a Slave
Since allowing sex into my life there were many years that I felt like a slave to it. Whenever the enemy came to tempt me to engage in any sexual activity, whether sex with a boy, pornography or masturbation, I obeyed. Whether I wanted to or not, I still obeyed. Sexual activity began for me in grade school and got worse over the years and it was the most challenging to stop after Jesus saved me and showed me that what I was doing was not pleasing to Him. It was like the more I did not want to engage in sex, the more I did and for many years I walked in condemnation, lack of confidence and just feeling like there was no hope to stop. Have you ever did things you just did not want to do but did it anyway? Im talking real stuff, not just feeling like not doing the dishes but mental slavery, feeling like there is no way out of this horrible situation. Its not a good state to be in and the only way to be set free is reprogramming the mind with the Word of God..the aftermath!
2. Emotional Roller Coaster
Well this is an understatement! The things that you suffer in your soul after having sex outside marriage can be enough to make one want to leave this world, and at one point I wanted to. The emotional baggage that we pick up from every sexual encounter weighs you down, and it did for me. For years I just cried, crying over boys, ended relationships, depression, a broken heart and anger just to name a few. It is extremely challenging to function through life with this kind of baggage, having to go to school and get good grades, trying to have healthy relationships with family and friends. There were many many days were I would smile in peoples face, and go home to cry, get in my car after church and not make it out the parking lot without crying.The aftermath!
3. Out of My Mind
Literally, I wanted to escape out of my mind. Every sexual encounter you have gets lodged into your head and from that moment forward you are able to remember everything at the drop of a dime. This made it harder for me to fight masturbation. After I ended it with a boy I still didn’t know how to fight mentally so I would let my thoughts take me there…right back into sin. And This does not stop! The enemy continues to bring thoughts to my head, but now I am spiritually stronger and know how to shew them away with the word of God. But if I am not on my spiritual game, it’s possible that I allow a thought to sit to long and I follow it back into sin. I had a weak couple of months where this happened and the enemy was throwing every punch he could throw. I am currently moving forward and allowing Jesus to literally guide my steps so this won’t happen again.When you are delivered from something you have to keep in step with MAINTAINING that deliverance or it will come back. The Aftermath!
4. Mental Cloudiness
This is a huge one for me. One of the byproducts of sex outside marriage is mental cloudiness. It distorts your judgement preventing you from making wise decisions. I stayed in a relationship suffering for years because of this. I was blinded mentally and could not see that this was not healthy or what God has for me. It prevents you from hearing God’s voice causing you to continue to be stuck. Many women stay in abusive relationships because of this, and because of FALSE love. The Aftermath!
5. False Love
This is another huge one. How sex is designed, it creates a thing called “Soul Tie” ( when 2 become 1 flesh) and within the soul tie it can cause someone to feel like they love the person they had sex with when it really is not love at all but misguided emotions, as emotions usually are. So with a clouded judgement and false love its possible that you stay stuck in a relationship you are not suppose to be in. Many don’t overcome this and stay stuck for years never getting out and some are killed from being in a relationship with the wrong guy. This is reality. I see it every single day and unless one surrenders their whole life to God and allows him to lead the heart this cycle will continue. The Aftermath!
6. Taming the Beast
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires” Solomon-8:4
We all have a God given natural & healthy desire for sex and the opposite sex. One of the reasons God says don’t awaken the “sex life” until its due time (marriage) is because once it has been awakened it is never to go dormant or to sleep again. It is designed to go until death as marriage is designed.
The issue is we awaken it way to soon, then become these saved people striving to live sexually pure as God desires, now trying to force something to sleep that was not designed to ever sleep again.
We end up having to maintain or control it instead of it just never being awakened or being a real issue. This is the struggle! This is one of the reasons why its challenging for a saved single who has already had sex, to not engage in sexual activity until marriage, causing some to feel like its impossible to do ( Lies!!! & a trick of the enemy ) and just give up completely!
I don’t know about you but this has not been a cake walk for me. God gives us the tools we need to fight, like strategy, prayer, the word and accountability but I can’t say I have always used these tools and boi did I pay for it .When the enemy catches you in a weak moment he goes in for the kill!! ( for example what I just talked about previously)
So this battle won’t end until I get married. When you truly make a decision to give up sexual sin and do it God ways it does get easier but you have to put in work. You have to STAY in your word, pray and build a relationship with God, avoid ALL sexual triggers and again avoid ALL sexual triggers. It can be challenging but it is doable. This is the life I live. This is the aftermath.
But I know because I have chosen God I am no longer disqualified from my earthly and heavenly rewards. That’s what keeps me striving. God has now given me a purpose of talking about sex, and explaining what it is and why God tells us to wait for it, telling every soul I know to do it God’s way. I don’t want to see any one suffer through this and be disqualified from the prize. His love is the reason why I am walking this walk and asking others to walk with me.
With the Holy Spirit, strategy, discipline AND accountability, we can do this! We can do ALL things through Christ who gives us the power. Stay encouraged and PLEASE encourage every soul you see, especially those whose sexual purity is still intact, to simply WAIT!!
Don’t accept this challenge when you don’t have to!
LETS GET SOME UNDERSTANDING
When we accept Jesus into our lives, we are delivered or set free from the control of the enemy and the nature of sin itself which means we no longer have to obey sin or be a slave to it. Our spirits are set free but then our soul part of us ( our own mind, heart/desires & emotions) has to continue to be delivered or set free from sin which Jesus has now allowed us to do.
As this process began, I realized that I no longer had the urge or strong desire to do these things as I did before. (my soul was beginning to catch up with my freed Spirit through the pursuit and surrender to God’s Holy Spirit and His word). So I knew change had happened. But I would still have rare moments where out of nowhere the devil would tempt me really heavy and I would succumb to the evil desires of my flesh. What I have realized is sexual drive has been given to us by God and its natural to desire sex from the opposite sex or wanting to be fulfilled sexually. The issue comes when we desire that over the obedience of God which is Lust. So it is a continual “Work out” of the heart that we must be willing to do. One must seek and fill up with God which in return causes a rejection of the devil when he comes to tempt ( and he will come and tempt).
After you know deliverance has been evident in your life you must “maintain” that deliverance meaning not doing things, watching/listening to things that excite sex in you or being around the opposite sex as a single to where you know you will fall into sex. Yes, I have had instances where I allowed the temptation of the devil to take over because I failed to keep up with “maintaining my deliverance” or resisting the devil to feed into my selfish sin nature. This is why I say the battle continues, and one will never stop fighting! Even though I know I have been set free from lust’s hold, I am also aware that my flesh is weak and will always be weak so I can not put self in a room alone with a man that I am sexually attracted to and think that my flesh won’t fail, because it will, and I am humble enough to acknowledge and accept that truth. We must acknowledge the real truth. I also realize that I can’t spend too much time alone either because you don’t need anyone to masturbate and the enemy knows that and will use it to his advantage to sneak in a quick blow. ( I know this because I have taken a few low blows). We must be smart, make wise realistic choices and allow God to continue to change our hearts to desire Him over self satisfaction, whatever sin it may be.
“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God” – 1 Corinth 6:9-10
The truth is God’s perfect nature cannot dwell with sin and anyone whose heart is permanently attached to sin must also be separated from God with sin. This is why God sent His son Jesus to be the ultimate sacrifice to pay for ALL sin and whoever accepts Jesus will no longer have to pay for sin or be separated from God. And the love of Christ and the correction of the Holy Spirit will free us from these sins.
It is the Love of God that is going to change your heart and it was His love and mercy that changed and continues to change me. Stay encouraged
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