I’m NOT okay. And I have learned enough in life to know that it’s okay to not be okay.

I have been a little silent these past few weeks because I’m trying to deal with grief that I never saw coming. The racism and police brutality that has plagued this country since its creation has caused me to internalize a lot of pain. The social unrest and the recent death of another beautiful black man, George Floyd, by way of hatred has caused me to struggle with fear. On top of that I found out that one of my first cousins was murdered and the very next day I received a call that my very own brother was found deceased. Can we say grief on top of grief.

What do you do when you are hurting? Often times we try to put on a huge front. We try to build this perception of ourselves that we are strong and that nothing can break us. But queen, let me save you from years of self-inflicted pain; you are human and humans are fragile and broken individuals. There is no such thing as a STRONG human in and of him or herself. This is why we needed and still need God to come and rescue us through the gift of His son Jesus. He knew the effects that sin would have on us since it entered mankind through Adam and Eve and boy are we experiencing the consequences.

So I am relieved to say that I am weak and broken. It does not make me feel inferior or less than because it gives my heart and mind the constant opportunity to rely on the only one who is infinitely STRONG….God Himself. It gives myself and this world a chance to make Him known and to show off His power to fix and heal the broken. And I am okay with that.

I just wanted to encourage you even through my pain to know that its okay to be broken. And it’s even more okay to let God heal the brokenness in your life.

What to Do When You Are Hurting

  1. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge your hurt and pain. Your pain is valid and worth acknowledging.
  2. Allow yourself to feel the different emotions and let them come out in a healthy way ( cry and scream, take time away from social media and other public places, write out you rawest feelings and thoughts, reach out to a counselor or a trusted influence.)
  3. Tell someone who cares about you what you are going through. There are some burdens that you are just not meant to carry alone.
  4. Constantly ( daily) rehearse the truths about yourself and the world around you. “I am beautiful, I am supposed to be here, I CAN Breathe” etc.
  5. Pray to God in Heaven and read His love letter (The Holy Bible) daily. He is the only truth teller and mender of brokenness. His love and words are the only thing that will stop the bleeding and give you hope for tomorrow. You can read the bible online HERE
  6. Take nature walks. Go outside and embrace the sun, trees and birds. Looking at God’s creation and getting fresh air rejuvenates the body and mind. It will also create in you a thankful heart for seeing another day of life.
  7. Eat healthy stuff! Your body needs every good thing to heal and you don’t need any unnecessary weight pulling you down physically, emotionally or spiritually.
  8. Smile and laugh on purpose. Think of good things and watch comedy entertainment. These good things, along with good food, release chemicals in your brain that help ease the pain and stress your body may be experiencing.
  9. Exercise more. This goes along with eating healthy and laughing more.
  10. Repeat steps 1-9 again and again and again and again and again.

Life seems messy sometimes and the path to healing ( to make something fragmented whole and complete)  seems that way as well. But as long as you are willing to seek healing and that you believe you are worth healing ( and you are!!!) you will be healed.

As my family and I lay my cousin and my brother to rest this weekend, I ask that you pray for us all, specifically for healing and reconciliation between us and God and each other as a family. It’s been hard to breathe these last few days and as I type these words I can feel the heaviness of my heart manifest into tears. With the present pain I feel, I know God is close to my broken heart and is even now bringing aid to my crushed spirit.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”Psalm 34:18 

Hear are some resources that may help you during this time of brokenness in our country and your own personal grief and pain

  1. www.TherpayForBlackGirls.com here you can find countless podcast on various topics and a potential counselor in your state.
  2. The Hidden Agenda Behind Racism  by Pastor Ivor Myers
  3. Become the Bridge with John Gray & Steven Furtick–  a conversation on reconciliation within the human race
  4. What REALLY Happens When We Die– When you know truth you can grieve in a healthy way.